Saturday, 16 June 2018

Fathers day

This weekend it is fathers day. This is always a difficult time of year as my father situation is a little complicated.

I have grown up knowing that my biological father didn't stick around when mum got pregnant but when I was only a few months old, my mum met my step-father and together they had my half brother and my half sister. He treated me as his own and the words step and half where soon forgotten. We were a family.

However their marriage broke up and my dad moved back in with his parents and me and my brother and sister stayed with mum in the family home. We didn't get too see our dad as often as we would like but did go for days out and get to go for the occasional sleepover. However when we moved to Kent, his visits become more irregular and with the exception of a Christmas and birthday cards, contact become almost non existent.

When we reached our teenage years, contact got better as we got mobile phones and with the rise of social media, we could have contact with our dad without our parents having to have any contact each other.


Things however went dramatically downhill overnight when my sister got into trouble a few years ago. Despite telling him I knew the truth, I was ignored and then lied to me multiple times and when things with my sister escalated, he seemed to put my sister above me on more then one occasion and I did wonder if it was because she was biologically his child and I wasn't. I honestly thought that this was it and our relationship was irreparable.

It stayed like this for a couple of year with me having absolutely no contact with either my dad or any other members of his side of the family. I was heartbroken and when I really needed my family, they weren't there. After a year on medication and in therapy, things seemed to be looking up. My mum and my friends really helped me through.

So when my brother announced his wedding I was nervous. I didn't know how I could cope being in a room with them if they decided to ignore me and I seriously considered going back on medication to get through the day. My sister in law had asked me to be a bridesmaid which I was really excited about and so dress hunting and shoe shopping dragged my focus away from the day a little.

The day came and was better then I could have hoped. I was seated at a table with my paternal grandparents and we talked about nothing in particular. After the meal, my dad came and joined us on the table and joined in the conversations. We exchanged current phone numbers and although our relationship is still quite strained. I fell that some bridges really had been built that day.

I don't know if our relationship will grow again, I have sent a fathers day card and hope things get better but nobody knows what the future brings.


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